Dying to be Thin

Anorexia Nervosa is a disorder characterized by:
a)the refusal to maintain body weight of at least 85% of the normal expected weight
b)intense fear of weight gain
c)distorted body perception
d)amenorrhea (absence of menstrual cycle)

Bulimia Nervosa is defined as:
a)recurrent episodes of binge eating
b)regular purging,fasting, or excessive exercise to prevent weight gain
c)at least 2 episodes of binging and purging per week
d)persistent over-concern with weight and shape

I was searching the internet last night for some songs that I could post on my blog. I wanted to post my favorite inspirational songs...most of which are contemporary christian. In doing so I discovered an amazing song by Barlow Girl called "Mirror". When you open up my blog, it is the first song that plays. The lead singer of this Christian group suffered from an eating disorder and she decided to write a song about it. I encourage you all to take a listen. It is an empowering song. I got very emotional as I was listening to it, because I began to think of all of the young girls (and guys) out there that have distorted body images and are suffering from eating disorders. I can't help but put some blame on the media..we live in a society that puts so much emphasis on appearance. Girls as young as 5 and 6 years old are developing eating disorders. It is truly gut wrenching. My 10 year old niece is an incredible ballerina and is in a junior ballet company. She has the most beautiful muscular legs and the other day she told me that her legs were fat. I said "No, sweetie! Your legs look like mine. You are a dancer...those are muscles in your legs." I couldn't believe that she actually thought for one second that she had an ounce of fat on her slim little body. The truth is, she goes to a school full of girls that are already obsessing about their weight.

When I was a child I was well aware that I was overweight. I was told every single day how fat I was. I longed to look like my niece looks...tall and slender. My mom always told me that I was beautiful and that I was going to be a knockout when I got older. I didn't believe her. I thought I was the ugly duckling of the family and I wondered how my parents could even love me.

Once I grew tall and slender, I still had body image issues. I often thought about my childhood and the harsh words that were spoken to me on a daily basis. When I developed my eating disorder those words haunted me. I looked at myself in the mirror and told myself how disgusting I was. I was obsessed with being thin. I remember all the early morning workouts with the team; the whole time I was running around the track I was thinking about what I had to eat the day before. I got mad at myself for eating and that was my motivation to run harder and longer.

What still blows my mind is the attention I received when I got so thin. Several of my friends and sorority sisters were envious. A couple of them even asked me about my diet, because they wanted to do it. That goes to show you how screwed up our society is; most of those girls knew that I had an eating disorder. I wouldn't even step foot in the sorority house during lunch or dinner and if I did I was eating a small salad or some fruit, but yet they still ranted and raved about how "great" I looked! I so desperately needed help, but instead I was getting compliments that encouraged me to continue to get thinner.

I thank God for my health and for saving me during such a dark time in my life. No matter what size I am, He loves me and thinks I am beautiful. I believe that I have truly found my calling in life and I am going to use my passion and my talents to glorify Him! Just remember... the mirror does not define you. If you or someone you know is battling this disease, please seek treatment. I have posted my contact information on this site and would love to help in any way that I can.

Yours in Health,
Brittany